On Introspection and Exploration, With Joshua Haynes and Scott Culley
On Introspection and Exploration, With Joshua Haynes and Scott Culley
Dadditude Newsletter #13
Dadditude interviews dads from different backgrounds, professional fields and ethnicities to get their insights on what it means to be a dad in the current moment.
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Starting Tomorrow: Our First Dadditude Guide
Our first guide for new dads is launching tomorrow, and it’s a bit different. You’ll get 10 emails delivered to you, every couple of days. Each of them will bring you closer to your baby as you learn more about the Dad-Baby bond. It was written in collaboration with Dr. Anna Machin, a parenting researcher who spent a decade at Oxford University researching dads, and authored: The Life Of Dad, The Making of the Modern Father. She's also an Evolutionary Anthropologist with a 20 year career and a mother of two. Here are some of the fun words that we'll serve you: secure attachment, neurobiology, bio-behavioral synchrony, neuro-chemicals, bonding delay, genetic relatedness, and a fair sprinkle of Twinkle Twinkle, Little Stars and rough & tumble play.
On Introspection and Exploration, With Joshua Haynes and Scott Culley
This newsletter is a double feature as we got both parents to answer our questions from their own perspective. Joshua and Scott are two American dads living in Berlin with their two high energy kids.
We spoke with them recently about mental wellbeing, the impact of Covid on their activities, and finding joy exploring the city with their little ones.
Tell us a little about yourselves.
Hi! I'm Joshua. Originally from the US, I live in Berlin with my husband and two kids. I'm the Founding Partner of Masawa, the mental wellness impact fund.
And I’m Scott. Originally from the US, living in Berlin with my husband and two kids. I am an Artist. I make Art Quilts.
Tell us about your kids.
Joshua: Our daughter Wren is 8 years old. She's incredibly creative, adventuresome, managerial, and caring. Our son Ellis is 4 years old and is very energetic, silly, active, and also caring.
Scott: Our daughter Wren is 8 years old. She is very creative, stubborn and likes to have things done a very certain way. She is very smart and very curious about the world. Our Son Ellis is 4 years old. He is very active. He does not seem to sit still for very long. He loves to be chased and tickled. He is showing an interest in music and singing.
How do you manage to mix work and family?
Joshua: I work in the mental health space, so I'm very attuned to my and my kids (and husbands') mental wellbeing, especially during the COVID crisis. The root cause of most mental illness happens before 14, and given my own journey with mental health issues, adolescent mental health is very important to me. But I'm certainly not perfect; it's all a journey.
Scott: In the current situation of schools and daycares fluctuating between opening and closing, my ability to focus on my art also fluctuates. So at times I'm not able to get as much accomplished as I would like to. On the other side my children are creative so spending an afternoon playing legos or Minecraft is not the worst thing.
What do you think is your biggest strength as a parent?
Joshua: Unwavering acceptance that my children will determine who they are.
Scott: Loving them and giving them the framework to discover themselves and the world.
What stresses you out the most these days as parents?
Joshua: COVID + school/preschool closings. Also, we're making the decision currently if we should have our daughter repeat the 2nd grade. I often beat myself up (lightly) for not having done this or that to help her even more.
Scott: My biggest stressor is whether or not the decisions we make for our children are the right ones, and are we doing enough to help them when they need help.
What side of parenthood do you wish you had invested more time and energy in the past?
Joshua: I wish we would have had to take a child psychology course (with frequent refreshers!), paired with a deep introspection on how we were raised.
Scott: Agree. For better and for worse, the way we were raised has an effect on the parents we are today. I wish I had taken the time to work on myself.
Can you tell us about an especially favorite/special moment with your kids recently?
Joshua: When I'm able to be completely completely present with my kids, playing, exploring, and being creative, I always have a great time. Yesterday, we were at a new playground in Berlin that has lots of fun climbing equipment. I loved actively playing 'The Floor is Lava' with my daughter, climbing everywhere and through everything. It was like I was a big kid again!
Scott: Since the lockdowns happened here in Berlin last summer, we got Wren interested in Geocaching. This gives us a chance to get out and look and see new parts of the city, enjoy the forests in a new way and work on solving puzzles. It’s been fun to just take her out and spend one on one time together looking for these little treasures.
Thank you Joshua and Scott!
Our Dadditude App is Out!
Both iOS and Android apps are out now. You can share a link with your dad friends.
Throwback
Check out Dadditude Newsletter #2: On Staying in the Moment and Raising Happy Kids
We’ve enjoyed reading:
Why You Should Give Your Partner the Gift of Time Apart
Alone time is a precious commodity for couples and families after more than a year of sheltering in place. Offer it to a loved one, and to yourself.What Introverts and Extroverts Can Learn From Each Other
Going against your instincts can help make you happierNew Book by MFF: DAD: Untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity.
DAD is a deeply moving and inspiring collection of stories that represent the diversity of modern fatherhood and seeks to start a conversation that challenges the traditions associated with masculinity.
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